On Age Gaps and Self-love

            I feel the need to speak my piece on the issue of sizeable age gaps between two people who are dating. I see this far more often than I should and it's DISGUSTING. So, I'm going to impose a new rule: No more dating between people who are more than 5 years apart if both parties are under the age of 35. It may seem unfair and unreasonable, but by imposing this rule I've just leveled the playing field and made this as fair as it gets, baby girl.

Alright dig it, I'mma break it down to you. I think that it's a reasonable assertion to say that the longer you live the more experiences you have and consequently the more wisdom you have. Right? So with that said, it's also reasonable to assume that for the most part anyone who has a significant number of years over someone else is also going to be significantly more experienced and wiser. (This is important because this comes into play in the power dynamics of the relationship.) Having more experience, wisdom, and knowledge puts someone at an advantage over someone else with less. That advantage can be used in malevolent ways to manipulate and control a more naïve mind. That's not to say that everyone who has an advantage like that is going to use it maliciously, but the fact that that possibility exists should be cause for alarm.

Therefore, reader you should always question the integrity of the intentions of someone who happily and willfully places themselves in a position where they have the upper hand in the balance of power in a relationship. Is this a pattern of behavior?  Why would someone be so enthusiastic to place themselves in a circumstance where they, without question, have unchecked control?  Things that make you go hmmm……

Well, lizzadies the answer is simple. Men are creatures driven by ego, and that's not a good thing. See, ego is a false sense of self-love. The principal difference between the two is that ego is nurtured by external entities while self-love is developed internally.

Ego and self-love have in inverse relationship. The bigger the ego, the less self-love a person possesses and vice-versa. People with big egos seek out things, situations and other people that will stroke their ego and make them feel good about themselves because they don't have enough internal self-love to make them feel good. 

Did you get that? A person without genuine love of self is going to seek out a young, hot thing that's weak-willed and easily manipulated to control because they need that to nourish their fragile ego. This then begs the question could a person whose actions that are so self-serving truly have another's best interests at heart? Wouldn't it follow that someone who is so self-absorbed and preoccupied with constantly feeding their frail ego be too selfish to have a significant amount of empathy and concern for another person? Sorry honey, but in all likelihood, that's a big, ol', emphatic NO.

So, if you're 19 and you're all proud to brag to your dumb ass, little friends about how your 30 year old boyfriend is such a refined and sophisticated man then you're in for a rude awakening. Not only are you being used, but you're also being deceived about the nature of your relationship and basically being raped everyday that you're together. No decent man his age respects him. All of his friends think you're a little slut and will try to fuck you whenever his back is turned.

Oh and all you ladies out there dating boys more than 5 years your junior, this applies to you, too. What are you doing, girl? A normal, healthy, well-adjusted woman wants to be with a man, not raise one. So, what gives? Go out there and get you one! While you're at it get yourself into some therapy and work on techniques to develop that love of self.

So, what's the bottom line here? Gotta love the self. Not only will you develop self-respect, but other people will respect you as well. It's just a natural consequence of possessing that. If you love you then you're going to have the self-respect that it takes to not involve yourself with someone who sees you simply as a means to an end or to walk away from someone who is using you that way already. Similarly, if you have a substantial amount of self-love then you probably won't seek a man that is inappropriately younger than you because you won't need that upper hand to make you feel good. Self-love, yo. It's a must.

It's been a long time, Xanga friends. What's good? I've been maintaining as usual. I have a good life, and I'm glad that I can't complain. I finished the summer semester and got a 4.0 for the term. I started the fall semester three weeks ago, and it's going. I'm SO gonna breeze through this. I'm just finishing up a bunch of req's for the college of ed. that I never bothered taking. It just seemed a little silly that I should have to take health education or a PE. After this semester is over I'll only have 36 more hours to complete and then I'll be DONEZO!!!!

I'm an on-call bartender at Buddah Lounge, and I'm trying to get into Zentra also. If you all need guestlist just get at me!

Now for the juicy juice. So, I started dating this new guy. We met under some pretty interesting circumstances. A friend of mine picked me up to go to another friend's bbq, and she happened to bring him along. They had met two or three nights prior. Anyway, he was driving her car so I figured that this was her new nigga. I gave him a once over and gave her some mental props. So, anyway we get to the bbq and she just kinda leaves him alone to go shmooze around and ignored him practically the whole time. I felt kinda bad for him so at one point I went to go chat with him because he was just sitting by himself not talking to anyone. He had on some brand new One's so I asked him how long he'd had his shoes. After some time she went to go drop him off at his car and returned to the bbq. After ol boy was gone I noticed that she was giving our friend's roommate a whole lot of attention. Her and dude were being mad flirty, and I got confused. She came with one nigga and now that he was gone she was all up on the other one? I figured that maybe he was just her homeboy so whatever the fuck ever.

So, like a week goes by and I'm myspacing around and come across ol boy's profile. Naturally, I add him as a friend. I commented one of his pics. (Although, he would contend that I was dissing him.) He commented me and I didn't reply. Then he wrote me a myspace note asking why I didn't reply. I wrote him back, and we somehow got into a debate about girls, guys, and the game. When I had to dip out I told him that we'd have to continue our battle at some other point in time. Homeboy is bold, yo. He replied asking if I wanted to continue it in person or over the phone. So, I gave him my phone number and the rest is, as they say, history.

It's been an intersting two months to say the least. He's like a slightly more aggressive male version of myself, which is a really intriguing combination of characteristics. He grew up on Tripp and Palmer so he's hood, but he's also an academic with a Bachelor's in creative writing from DePaul. He was a McNair Scholar and graduated with honors, and he's an intellectual in the true sense of the word. He's not just one of those people that sees knowledge as a means to an end, namely a paycheck. He actually sees intrinsic value in knowledge and learning. Shit is sooo sexy. It's cool shit that I can throw words like "beguile" or "existentialist" into a converstion as well as vernacular like "nigga" or "treated in life" and  never once have to hesitate because he's right there with me. He's got a lot of other redeeming qualities that I could talk about, but I don't really have to get into that. The point is is that I'm convinced. He treats me really, really well. At this point I feel like I couldn't ask for anything more.

But. There's always a but. This nigga just broke up with someone about four months ago, and he's got two kids with her, ages four and six. Yeah, I know. He's already started talking about having me meet them. His daughter found a picture of me one day when she was at his place and tried to crumple it up. He wants to introduce us to give her some peace. If you ask me I think that's crazy talk. That's some serioius shit, and it's only been two months. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I kind of unwittingly kicked this issue off, though. I had mentioned to him that I wanted to "meet his shorties", but I was referring to the shorties that he used to mentor at the alternative high school he used to work at, because he always talks about them. They sound like some cool ass kids, and I wanted to meet them. He totally misinterpreted what I said and started telling me that he showed his kids my picture and talked about how his daughter got jealous and told him that he can only think her and Mami are pretty and that she's gonna tell Mami to hit him. I just listened quietly as he talked. I didn't have the heart to be like "Yeah, umm. That's SOOO not what I meant." Lol what the fuck? That's some shit, huh? Well, I'm not going to touch on that subject at all anymore. We'll wait and see what happens.

Alright, then. Ya'all got the bochinche. I'm out. Be easy! =)

If you're dope and you know it clap your hands.